Scoring the "Queen of Mean" tag was a complete cinch for comedian Lisa Lampanelli. The uncompromising put-down artist has earned a reputation as a prickly pear by delivering a devastating bunch of lines at an array of Comedy Central roasts. Lampanelli has hilariously ripped Chevy Chase, Pamela Anderson, Flava Flav and Jeff Foxworthy, among many others.
The funnywoman, who will perform January 17 at the Pearl at The Palms, is steadily rising in the comedic ranks. The caustic quick wit's first HBO special Long Live the Queen will premiere January 31. She's also shooting a pilot for HBO, which has yet to be titled, and she's penning a book slated to hit shelves in the fall. Lampanelli took some time out to gab about how thrilled she is to perform at the Las Vegas theater, addresses her co-dependency issues and addiction to chocolate.
944: You've made the big jump in terms of Las Vegas venues.
LISA LAMPANELLI: That House of Blues was getting to me. I'm over playing places with a bar. I want to do a show where people pay attention to me. I want it fast and easy like me, bitch.
944: The men in your life often inspire your material, but during our last interview you weren't dating anyone.
LL: I'm still not with anyone on a regular basis. It's been a year and a half since then. I'm better off like I am now. I don't have to have a guy in my life on a regular basis.
944: Could that be so for libidinous Lisa Lampanelli?
LL: Hey, I still go on the occasional booty call. I might hookup with an unsuspecting security guard.
944: Do you wish Heidi Fleiss came through with the state's first legal brothel, which would service women?
LL: I'm mad that it hasn't happened yet. My friend Laura and I were psyched to hear about it and disappointed that it hasn't happened. It's not as easy for women to get laid as you think. I get pissed about that. Guys have no idea how tough it is for women. But I'm coming to Las Vegas and I need an escort.
944: But you're way too busy to socialize these days.
LL: I am extremely busy. There's the HBO shoot we're doing in February. I love the script. The good news is that HBO didn't hand many notes back to us. The cast will be put together this month. It's so exciting.
944: What's the show about?
LL: It's hardcore. It's like The Sopranos in tone. There's lots of sex. There's lots of violence. It's about a comedy club. I play a comic who reluctantly takes over the club. A twisted death sets that in motion. It's a story about the inmates taking over the asylum. It's captivating stuff.
944: Have you been working on stretching beyond your world as a stand-up?
LL: Yes. I'm taking acting lessons. I've been taking dance lessons. Someday I want to end up on Broadway and do a Martin Short kind of thing. I want to seriously entertain. I would love to do a show about my co-dependency. That was a difficult period when I was co-dependent. But I've broken the chains and it feels good.
944: What's your book called?
LL: Chocolate, Please. It's about my thing for all things chocolate. That runs from cake to men. I can't help it. I absolutely love chocolate.
944: What propelled you to a love of all things chocolate?
LL: I grew up in old Connecticut. White was viewed as what was good. I thought, "Let's have some pistachio. Let's have some other flavors in the mix." I like having a little variety. It's more fun that way. There's a lot of different colors and cultures out there, let's experience them.
944: The last time we spoke, you were dating an American Indian guy. How did that go?
LL: He was so boring that I was sending up smoke signals hoping someone would rescue me.
944: Will you ever date a white guy again?
LL: If he has a job, sure, I'll go out with him. But I'm not going to support the white devil.
944: Why do you do so well at roasts?
LL: I over-prepare for the roasts and I don't pull any punches. I know the roasts are why I'm at this level.
944: You were the only comic who killed during the Chevy Chase roast.
LL: That was huge for me. Everybody else bombed. I got the right manager and agent because of that. That was a turning point for me.
944: Most men don't dig women comics. Why do you think that is?
LL: Women comics stink. All they talk about is dating, PMS and shopping. Nobody cares about that and the audience doesn't want to hear it. The audience doesn't want to sleep with you [the comic]. They don't want to hear it. I can't tell you how grossed out I am by Rita Rudner and other women comics who talk about that stuff. But some women are funny. Catch Kathy [Griffin] or Sarah [Silverman]. Or catch my show.
944: You're a woman who knows how to handle a heckler. You show no fear onstage.
LL: I remember being heckled early in my career. A guy went on after me and bombed. This guy yells out, "Get the fat chick back out here." I came out and started insulting people. The guy did me a favor. I became the insult comic.
944: Weren't you a journalist early in your career?
LL: I was cut out for journalism, but I needed something more. I could always make my family and friends laugh, especially when I insulted them. I took that and made a career out of it. It's the best thing I ever did.
Get insulted at www.palmspearl.com or call 702.944.3200
FIVE REASONS WHY WE LOVE LISA LAMPANELLI
1. She's completely politically incorrect. She doesn't care what anyone thinks, which isn't so common in the entertainment industry.
2. Lampanelli is incredibly prepared when she hits the stage, but she lives in the moment.
3. The Cold Lamper can be self-deprecating.
4. Nothing is out of bounds when it comes to her stand-up.
5. Unlike many comics, Lampanelli likes to have a good time.
She won't stay in her hotel room. She'll hang out at the bar, go to the restaurant and if there was a brothel for females, well ...
2008-12-23
Notes of Necessity
World Premiere of Music Documentary at the Phoenix Art Museum

Which songs tell the story of life on earth? When the Golden Record was sent into space on the Voyager mission in 1977, American astronaut Carl Sagan gathered songs from all around the world to communicate to other life forms what earth was. Beethoven’s “String Quartet No. 13,” “Night Chant” by Navajo Indians and the “Pygmy Girls’ Initiation Song” from Zaire are on the list of the 27 tracks featured on the record, which recently left our solar system, in the hopes that some being will discover it.
This intergalactic mission laid the foundation for the music documentary, The Heart is a Drum Machine, directed by Chris Pomerenke, a Phoenix native, and premiering at the Phoenix Art Museum on February 6. In production for nearly two years by ZU33 Pictures, the film sets to answer the questions: what relationship do humans have with music? From elaborate symphonies to simply singing to oneself, do we have to have music? Is it embedded in humans?
“We know why you do your laundry, we know why you put food in your mouth, we know why you put clothes on,” says Pomerenke. “But why do you hit play?”
Pomerenke, along with producer Ryan Page, who is also from Phoenix, set to explore the human relationship with music in “politically, emotionally, spiritually, racially, sexually” ways. Interviewing more than 100 musicians, artists and even a cardiologist and neurologist, the documentary features the young, old, famous, not-so-well known and all others in between. “Everyone from Elijah Wood to John Frusciante from Red Hot Chili Peppers to George Clinton,” says Page. “We tried to cast this as wide a net as possible so it’s not like an indie rock documentary; we have jazz cats and blues men, all across the board.”
One of the areas of interest is the role music plays in healthcare, as the filmmakers spoke to Milford Graves, a jazz musician who is also a tenured teacher at Bennington College and studies music therapy. Paying close attention to the sounds of a heart, Graves has diagnosed illnesses just from his comprehension of the sounds of beats. Pomerenke says, “If you’re a cardiologist and not a drummer, or at least a musician, you might not really be listening.”
This idea that music is ingrained in humans is shared by many of the people interviewed in the documentary. And even though the Golden Recorder originator Carl Sagan passed in 1996, his widow Ann Druyan expresses that he would have felt similar. The documentary closes with Druyan telling what her husband’s final thoughts were about the Golden Record. We won’t spoil the ending for anyone, suffice it to say, though, it’s very touching.
But why did ZU33 choose Phoenix to debut a documentary that would seem to fit in so well in Hollywood among record labels, musicians and celebrities? “We’re from Phoenix,” says Pomerenke. “We had an offer to do it in LA, we had an offer to do it in New York,” Page says. “We thought, let’s give a gift to Phoenix.”
This gift can be viewed for the first time in the galaxy on February 6 at the Phoenix Art Museum.
Purchase tickets for the premiere at www.phxart.org
2008-12-23
Berlin's Bright Lights
An Insider's Guide to the World's Hippest City

Berliners are basking in the buzz of living in one of the coolest cities in the world — a place where creative people, not commercial interests, dictate the scene. 944 asked 11 of its visionaries what makes Berlin the place to be. Meet the who’s who of Germany’s capital as they explain why their city always stays ahead of its time.
Martin Bachmann
President of Sony Pictures Company
Five years ago Martin moved from Los Angeles to Berlin to become the head of Sony Pictures Germany. With his move came international film premieres, galas and glamour. Berlin was being transformed from a post-Wall, grunge city to a cosmopolitan hub that attracts film elite from everywhere. What do you like about Berlin? “Five years ago in New York if you said you’re from Berlin they wouldn’t care. Say it now and they think it’s great! Everything is happening now — restaurants, clubs, galleries, shops and premieres. It used to be very difficult to lure stars here for premieres. Not anymore.” Shop: “The Corner is great and I also like Quartier 206, which is a chic department store.” Eat: “Definitely Grill Royal and Borchardt. There’s a great Asian place called Kuchi. I also like China Club and Uma & Ma — one side is Chinese and the other side is Japanese.”
Annika Von Taube and Lothar Eckstein
Co-Editor-In-Chief and Publisher/Editor-In-Chief, Sleek Magazine
Known by artists, photographers and fashionistas as the “best magazine in Germany” for art content, Sleek provides rich stories and daring photographs targeted to the fashion and art communities worldwide. Favorite aspect about Berlin: LE: “Berlin is about age extinction. You’ll see people in their 40s clubbing and the cost of living is so low everybody can afford to go out. Berlin has always been the place for misfits, and creative people are willing to exploit themselves for the sake of art. It makes idealism less painful because it’s cheaper and is the core reason why this city is successful.” AT: “To stimulate the scene the city allowed drinking to stay open for 24 hours. I usually force myself to go out, then go to an art opening, meet people, go to a restaurant, then dancing and on to the next place. You can easily do five things a night here.” Shop: AV: “Der Konk, they are the first to carry all Berlin labels.” Fun: AT: “Berghain. It’s in an old power plant, anything is allowed and the sound system is great.” LE: “Going there for the first time is strange because if you get lost you’ll find yourself in a room with people having sex!”
Roland Mary
Restaurateur
Roland is known for his famous Berlin restaurant, Borchardt. It opened in 1992 after the Wall came down and has been a Berlin institution ever since. The menu features traditional, top quality French-German cuisine and evenings are filled with hungry patrons and spectators who go to see and be seen. It’s been said that you haven’t visited Berlin until you’ve dined at Borchardt. What do you like about Berlin? “It’s an open city; you can go wherever you want and meet different people in different communities. I moved here 25-years ago when the Wall was still here, it was a village then. When I opened Borchardt it was a good time for a restaurant; it was a new Berlin, a new era. A restaurant is always a good place to come together for the food and the people and Berliners like to mix as you can see here.” Eat: “Here.” Shop: “14 Oz, it’s a great new store in Berlin, and The Corner.”
Frank Thiel
Artist
Artist Frank Thiel left East Berlin as a political prisoner and moved to West Berlin where he found his voice as an artist. He’s known for his arresting photographs of Berlin that depict the strength and fragility of two distinct cities now reunified, and the struggles and successes it endures. What aspects of Berlin do you draw from? “This city is an urban, political and spiritual patchwork of the last century; almost each generation had a New Berlin. When the wall came down and the cities started to reunite it was obvious that the landscape will change in the political process. My attempt was to photograph the undertaking of re-unification. My book, A Berlin Decade 1995-2005, is the summarization of the last 15 years of my work.” Fun: “The nightlife in Berlin is great so I like to go out a lot. Cookies is a favorite, so is Tape and Tausend.” Eat: “For tea and coffee I like Oliv and café 103. For dinner I like Cookies Cream and Kuchi.”
Cookie
Club Owner, Entrepreneur
Ask any Berliner what their favorite club is and they will say Cookies. This professional partier opened his first club in 1994 and has been successfully entertaining Berliners ever since. Amazingly, Cookies still manages to stay underground – there’s no sign on the door, he doesn’t advertise and uses his storage space to throw private parties at any given moment. London to Berlin: “I visited my sister in 1992, fell in love with the city and stayed. You can do anything here. It’s not important who you are or what you earn, the important thing is how you want to have fun. I also started a fashion finding Web site, Thelabelfinder.com, with a friend. You type in a label and it will tell you where in Germany to find it. We’ll soon be international.” Shop: “Andreas Markudis is a shop tucked away in a courtyard in Mitte that sells clothing, furniture and design objects.” Eat: “I’m vegetarian so I like Cookies Cream, which is my restaurant above Cookies. I also like Borchardt, and Café 103. If you go on Sunday you’ll see everyone you know.”
Danijela Pilic
Editor At Large, Vanity Fair Germany
Danijela arrived in Berlin six months ago and brought with her an expertise in fashion journalism. She has witnessed a city that creates its own style free of rules and conformity. As a panelist for Vanity Fair’s 2008 Best Dressed List in Germany, she drew inspiration from the city’s designers and continues to support them. Your biggest impression since moving here: “There are big spaces to rent for cheap and a lot of creative people, which creates a buzz and a good dynamic. There’s so many international people; if you listen to conversations on the street, every second one is in English.” Shop: “Quartier 206 and The Corner are the coolest concept stores. I really like the designer Bernadette Penkov and she has a beautiful shop. I also like Kaviar Gauche, which is a perfect example of two girls from Berlin who design good collections season after season.” Fun: “Bar 1000 is a very chic bar; good DJs, bands play and it’s more grown-up.”
Joseph Voelk and Emmanuel De Bayser
Owners of The Corner
When Joseph Voelk and Emmanuel De Bayser opened their boutique they ushered in a new movement of high fashion mixed with art. While Berlin has always been known for its rugged avant-garde, The Corner has thrown a high-end bone into the mix offering designer clothes, furniture, contemporary art and an eclectic array of books, magazines and a café! What is The Corner? EB: “It’s a new way of presenting fashion that is Berlin-specific — freedom — so we like to present our merchandise by mixing fashion, art and furniture. It’s a haven for young artists and has different cultural elements that we reflect in our store.” JV: “We’re a meeting place for the new Berlin. We throw parties and all types of Berlin social circles come. We also host events and work together with magazines and galleries. We recently did an evening for Karl Lagerfeld and his documentary, Lagerfeld Confidential. We’re not tied to one concept.” Eat: “Grill Royal.” Stay: “Hotel de Rome is very new and glamorous. They have a great spa and wonderful views from the cocktail bar on the terrace.”
Matthias Harder
Curator of The Helmut Newton Foundation
Legendary photographer Helmut Newton is as Berlin as Berlin gets. He is known for his sexually charged photographs of dominant Über-women in scenarios both decadent and decrepit. Embodying these contrasts was a theme throughout his career and is the essence of Berlin society. What does the foundation mean to Berlin? “It’s very moving that we’re here because 70 years ago, Helmut was forced to flee and 65 years later this building was given to him for his foundation. Sadly, Helmut passed in January 2004 and we had to open in June 2004 without him, but he and his wife June put everything on track. It’s poignant that we’re in this building. For instance, down the street homeless people go to eat and around the corner you’ll find the prostitutes. Contrast exists in Helmut’s work and in Berlin, making it the perfect place for the foundation.” Eat: “I like the Paris Bar. Another Berlin staple is Currywurst, which is similar to a hotdog stand. Helmut loved those!”
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